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A Story about the song Amazing Grace and How I Enjoyed it for the First Time. If you grew up in church or attend church regularly then I’m sure you have a favorite hymn or song. Mine is Amazing Grace. No matter what is going on in my life if that song is being played or I am singing it, it gives me a peace and a serenity that I cannot quite explain.
Although these emotions fill me it wasn’t always like that. It wasn’t until that long ago I actually enjoyed the song Amazing Grace for the very first time. Well, I take that back. It’s the first time since I have been a child.
As children we are so innocent and carry a childlike faith that we aren’t even aware we carry it until we grow up and realize how differently we now think and act.
There was a time in my life that I fell away from God and took my own path. I still loved Him and still believed His son Jesus Christ was my Savior, I just did not want to live by His terms and conditions.
When I was 29 I gave birth to my son and nearly died. According to the doctors, I should not have lived. That is another story for another time.
From the time I was about 19 after I divorced my daughter’s father, I stumbled off God’s path and went down a very rocky road that had potholes and even a few sinkholes that I almost didn’t make it out of.
I can remember during those years I would pray and I would ask God “why”. I would even listen to hymns as they gave me hope. There was always one song that had an impact on me so strong it would bring tears to my eyes. There were times when I literally would sit and bawl like a newborn baby waiting for its bottle.
After I had my son and nearly died I knew that was my wake call. God was giving me a chance to come back to Him. And I did just that. Little did I know I was in for a big surprise.
When I joined my church, Calvary Baptist in Alton, Il in September 2009 I had no idea the struggles I was about to face. I was under the assumption that because I was going to church everything would be okay. Things would change for me. It has been 7 years since I walked to that alter and it took 6 of those years for things to change.
For 6 years I would cry when we sang praise to God. I would bawl like a baby when we sang Amazing Grace. I would take tissues with me to service because I knew I was going to cry either during a song or while our Pastor spoke the truth.
It was always that song Amazing Grace that hit me the hardest. Here I thought because I was crying and feeling the emotions that was running through my body like a waterfall, I was doing something right. I was so wrong! Let me tell you.
I was not enjoying the song by any means. I know how that may sound but it is true. Those rush of emotions and tears were not joy or happiness. No, they were tears of pain and heartache, emotions of mental agony and a dark bitterness that dug a place deep into my heart.
A dear friend, a sister to me in Christ, said something to me one day that changed everything. She said “I just want to ask you, ‘what are you doing?'” She was referring to my life and how I was living it at the time. It made me think.
That is when I realized I wasn’t living a Christian life. Yes I was attending church and I was active in church. I was saved but I wasn’t fully trusting God.
When I realized this I immediately stopped doing all the things that God did not approve of and I chose to put my trust in Him (Thought I was going to tell you the details huh? You will just have to wait until I finish my book about my life-long testimony).
I now know that the dark bitterness and anger that was embedded deep in my heart was nothing more than love I had for other things like money, sex, and material things just to name a few.
I am in a much better place now. Am I content where I stand with God? Absolutely not! My love for Jesus has grown so much that I can’t get enough. Its like I want more. I want nothing but to please Him in everything I do. Its actually a great feeling.
I can now sing Amazing Grace with joy in my heart and a smile on my face. No more tears. No more pain. Just me singing praise with much gratitude for my second chance.
This is A Story about the song Amazing Grace and How I Enjoyed it for the First Time.
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